heart, it races

sometimes i wonder if facebook is turning me into a not nice person.

occasionally there are times when i experience an extreme emotion after seeing something on facebook: an interaction, a message, a picture posted. if i'm feeling tipsy or a little ballsy, i might say something to clear the air, to call someone out, to tag a friend in an ecstatic memory that arrives out of nowhere.

today, i find that there are many, many things i'd like to say, and not only do i want to send them in a private message, to be received by one person, or maybe two people, depending on if i feel the need to have a witness. today, i want to post that private, secret business out on the boards for all to see, to air out some nonsense that i feel should be called out.

now, i'm not normally a person who thrives on confrontation, so where is this all coming from? we've all heard that facebook is bad for us, makes us feel bad about ourselves because we have "post envy" from all the amazing pictures our friends and families are posting from their perfect lives. but what about the strong, nagging desire to call people on their bullshit, publicly, not just with one witness, but with all witnesses available, forever and ever in cyberspace? is facebook turning little ol' me into a little ol' cyberbully? this is not something that i have ever had the urge to do, in person, on the phone, and definitely not publicly, via the web. until now.

maybe i'm seeking some sort of public catharsis, an acknowledgement that no, i am not the only one who thinks so-and-so is wrong/sneaky/bad/manipulative. i want the truth to be told, literally shouted from the center of the gladiator ring, for all to hear and to see. i want ugly behavior to be rendered unacceptable and punishable, in front of all the people who know me, and who i love.

this is not a matter of being perfect (by default, none of us is), nor a matter of i'm right/you're wrong (although the odds are mostly in my favor). this is a matter of standing up to the bully of manipulation, the extremely selfish, the shameless pursuer of attention, the sweet-talking thief. it's a matter of people who hoard people/things/attention in order to make themselves feel better.

i'm tired of it. i'm drained from it. i'm ready to get on with my life and get over it. and, as a writer, i have all creative license to do that which i truly wish to do: expose the worst aspects in people and praise the best joys.

because that's what we're meant to do as writers- tell the truth.

still, still, still

the eagles have a song about it, carrie bradshaw asks Big to do it with her in the park, there's a lullaby about it... sometimes we all have to be still.

this week of all weeks is the one that i have the most to do, the least amount of time, and yet, while in the midst of the swarm, i find myself desperate to be still, because my body is trying to get sick.

the to-do list continues, a constant revolving door; as one item is checked off the list, three more appear at the end. this is final school projects week, party planning week, super-busy work week, house-cleaning week, and yet, i'm on the couch. it's where i want to be, and need to be, but the tension grows as i sit still, not doing all that needs to be done on time.

the day is beautiful outside, a perfect weather day, but the onslaught of allergies here in central texas is confining me to an inside view.  it's a guilty feeling, not going out on a day like today, but i really don't have a choice. the birds still sing outside the window, a jubilant serenade.

i can see the lovely fuchsia hibiscus blossoming on the other side of the living room window. what a joyous plant, generous with its opulent blossoms, waxing and waning in bloom and then, in rest. i remind myself that's ok to withdraw, to produce glorious blossoms, and then to recuperate quietly, gathering the energy and nutrients to replenish the exertion, and then, to blossom again.

all i know about fashion started with sue charlton in crocodile dundee

I mean, look at the woman. She's gorgeous, classy, talented, curious, smart, witty, sexy, and classic. After recently re-watching this film, I realized how much of an impact the character of Sue Charlton has had on my appreciation for, and knowledge of, fashion.  For instance...

[think about the time when she first arrives to the bush, khaki's and head scarf, red lipped and ready]

Reason #1: No Fear
...When she arrives in Walkabout and meets Wally, she's dressed for an adventure, ready for anything that might arise, and has all that she needs to break a killer news story, including her notebook, her camera, and her extreme curiosity. Sue exhibits no hint of fear at spending a few days in the bush with a strange man. Also note the incredible head scarf, and the loose, breathable, and yet stylish, clothing. She doesn't show up in a t-shirt and jean shorts.

Reason #2: Head Wear
Yes, being in the elements requires protection, from sun, from wind, and from the possibility of snakes dropping on your head at any moment.  Sue is prepared with this lovely hat that frames her face and adds to her mystique. Traveling is no excuse for sloppy head accessories. How can you not fall in love with this woman?

Reason #3: Showing the Right Amount of Skin
Now, I know what you're thinking. What about that bathing suit?  You know, the bathing suit that was my first exposure to women utilizing every asset (ahem) to their advantage when trying to seduce a man in nature. This is not a cry for attention, since she covers the suit for most of the day with a beautiful blue long wrap skirt.

It is only in the moment when she (thinks she) is alone, and resting from the long day's walk, that the skirt comes off and hello hot mama comes out; recall the black, sexy high rise, one piece thong bathing suit that had Dundee smacking his head on the tree.

The crocodile that tries to eat her and her canteen is a little side note. The wooing in this moment, however, spot on. If the film had been rated slightly more naughty than PG-13, I think there might have been a hot in-the-wild sex scene right after the croc lost the fight and Crocodile Mick stepped in with his knife to save her.  This bathing suit is a perfect example of the power of suggestion.

Reason #4: Lipstick
She's smart and sassy, she won't let a man tell her that she's just a "Sheila," she's brave and takes off into the bush by herself (while carrying a gun that she knows how to use), and still, she wears lipstick.  Not a little nude, not a clear gloss, but RED lipstick. She's powerful, womanly, sexy, and she's not to be trifled with. You know what you're getting into when you see this woman; she's so much more than the girl next door. Behold, the power of red lipstick.

Reason #5: Choose "Wow" Pieces that Highlight Your Body & Make you 

Feel and Look Amazing

Not only does Sue accentuate her femininity with red lipstick, she's also not afraid to wear red clothing, and a lot of it. The red dress that seals the deal at the posh New York party, when she's showing Crocodile Mick around town;

[Recall the curvy red dress that had convenient cutouts all down the right side, and I mean ALL the way down.]

Perfect for the time, perfect for her body, and perfect for the City.  This dress is the epitome of beauty, the perfect expression of Sue's exquisite personality and figure. Not just anyone can wear this dress, in fact, I assume it would look horrible on most people. But this is Sue's moment, her classic color, her defining statement. In her mind, I imagine this dialog:  "This is also who I am, in my town, at the height of my beauty." Of course, she is still a great beauty, 20-odd years down the road... 

Reason #6: Wear Color/Have a Signature Color

Sue wears a lot of red  (as well as white, khaki, blue, tan, and black, all classics) and knows that eyes will gravitate toward her when she's in it. Red is extremely bold, fiery and loud, and when used correctly, creates an unforgettable fashion moment.

The ending scene where she learns that Mick has checked out of the hotel and is headed on walkabout... if she doesn't want to lose him forever, she has to ditch her shoes and make a serious run for the subway.  Which she does, without question. Of course, in this climax moment, Sue has to be recognizable through a suffocating, pulsating subway crowd... in yet another gorgeous, unforgettable dress and head scarf.

For all of these reasons, and I'm sure for a few others that I've forgotten, I am forever grateful to Sue Charlton's courage and tenacity, both in the wild, and in fashion. That Crocodile Mick sure got lucky!

lighten up

it's hard to say, exactly, how one's friendships evolve, and even harder to say how they are sustained.

there may be a percentage floating around out there about how many friends stay in your life during the lifetime, how many others are long-term and then slowly dissolving, and still others who are brief and then gone forever.

I like to hold onto things, to hold onto people, and I think sometimes that gets me in trouble. sometimes there are people who do not lift you up anymore, or they never did to begin with. this year, I believe I'll allow myself to let go of the ones who don't make me as much of a priority as I do for them.

it's a freeing concept for someone like me, who hoards articles, recipes, artifacts, pictures, clothing, and sometimes even friendships, to think about gently releasing the ties and easing the tethered boats into their own currents. maybe it's time I cleaned out the closet.